20 August 2014

How We Responded

Some comments were made that if we had things so well documented then why didn't we take action against them? Why didn't we do something? We did. We handled it correctly, appropriately.

First, at our base we are "turn the other cheek" kind of people. Well, Daniel is, turning the other cheek isn't usually my gut reaction, but it's what I work toward. While it may not be my first thought it is the standard for actions I actually take. I try to look at my motivation, my purpose, for the things I want to do or say. If my purpose and motivation are to hurt, if it's to retaliate, to antagonize I don't do it. This is why we didn't lash out at anyone. We did what we could reasonably do and then took it to the right people in positions to appropriately handle the situation.

Most of the things from my earlier post were done by people with, at the very least, a professional obligation against doing what was done, people working for LDS Family Services. For what happened people needed to be held accountable, if for no other reason than to keep any of this from happening again. 

I want there to be no mistake, our experiences with LDS Family services as a whole have been really great. We have loved all of our caseworkers, and the caseworkers from the other office ours is kind of partnered with. Everyone else we've worked with is kind, professional, and genuinely cares about the couples and expectant parents they work with. Like with any large organization though there are always a few who...don't represent the whole.

There is a grievance process within LDSFS to address things that aren't handled properly. Once we learned the woman who threatened our family had many (many) grievances filed against her by local families, that she actually had this reputation in the adoption community, we knew we needed to speak up about our experiences. Because she had been permitted to continue in her position despite all the documented grievances against her we knew the grievance couldn't be sent to her boss, it needed to be taken to the top of the chain, the president of LDSFS.

On May 5th we sent off a 6-page grievance addressed to the president of LDSFS. A woman (who asked not to be named) helped us carefully craft the grievance, making sure only the issues carried out or created by employees of LDS Family Services were recounted, that the facts were presented and that we included kind of a victim impact statement, outlining the ways these actions had affected our family. The grievance covered each event that LDSFS had a reasonable responsibility over or carried out directly. About a week later we received a response.

His response was very PC but offered a heartfelt apology for what our family had experienced, explaining it was not acceptable and that he immediately took action to address the issues. He explained that each person involved would be corrected and properly trained on how to handle these situations.

The woman who threatened our family no longer works for LDSFS. She left shortly before our grievance was received by the main office. Our caseworker was the one told to pass along her threat and this woman then confirmed (in front of 5 witnesses) at his funeral that she had threatened our family because she (in her words) "didn't want to step on anyone's toes".

So just so everyone knows, we weren't silent victims without recourse. We took the appropriate steps, and other than that particular woman getting out before being corrected, we're completely satisfied with the results.

1 comment:

  1. Good for you! My husband and I are the exact same way. I have experienced a lot of hardship (to say the least) at the hand of those who should love us the most. So I am a little less forgiving when it comes to mean people. And my husband give the benefit of the doubt for WAY too long. I know that this was probably very difficult for the both of you tow do. Good job for doing it :-) ps I am EXTREMELY curious as to what both letters said :-)