21 January 2014

First Mom or Birth Mom

In my last post I referred to Noah's birth mom as his "first mom". I had heard this term before and didn't like it. When I first heard it I thought of two people competing over Noah and going "I was first!". I thought it was weird.

During the month Noah spent in the Children's Hospital though I couldn't help but think of his birth mama. I imagined her going through the almost 7 weeks of his NICU stay that she was his mom. She was his MOM, absolutely his mom in every way. Every time I had to go to the hospital alone I thought of her having to do the same. I thought of her having to talk to the doctors daily, love and snuggle her teeny little guy, and make lots of decisions that she felt would be best for him. She did all of that while also trying to find us. She was absolutely, completely and fully his mom, and it's important to us that he know that. She wasn't any less his mom because she was trying to find his family, she was 100% his mommy during that time and carried all the responsibility, sacrifice and love that comes with that.

All of that I feel like is so much more than being his "birth mom", she was his Mommy, his Mom, his Mother in every way. So sometimes I feel like "first mom" more appropriately says her role in his life.

Birth Mom isn't some shabby title either though. When I think of "birth mom" I think or the woman who created him. The woman who grew and protected him in her belly. The woman who made good, healthy choices to give him his best start before birth. The woman who pushed off strong suggestions that she abort the baby with no chance of a life worth living. The woman who KNEW that he would be okay and would someday grow to be a beautiful, brilliant little boy. The woman who brought him into this world. The woman who gave Noah his big, incredibly beautiful eyes. When I hear "birth mom" I think of Noah's beginning, and the origins he can know with pride. To me, "birth mom" means every beautiful part of Noah's beginning, and everything he'll carry with him through life.

So, for me the terms both apply to Noah's first mom, his birth mom, and both of them are used with pride, love and admiration.

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