18 November 2013

Is She Yours?

"Is she yours?"

I think this is the question we've gotten more than any other since adopting Noah. We aren't shy about his being adopted and when people hear we have a 3 year old daughter that always seems to be their first question, "Is she yours?". The first time I heard it it kind of threw me off. Is she mine? What do you mean is my daughter mine? Honestly my first thought was "are they asking if she's been taken away? Like do we not have her anymore?" Quickly realizing they weren't asking if she was currently our daughter I answered "Yes, she's our biological daughter. I made that one." 

Asking if both of our kids are adopted really isn't that weird of a question and we aren't offended by it, I just really didn't think we'd hear this question so often. As for the phrasing "Is she yours" it sounds like somehow Noah isn't ours and I've started answering with "Well they're BOTH ours" :)

We regularly forget that we didn't actually make Noah, but the way we forget is weird. We know his birth mom, think of her often, and think of her with awe, gratitude and appreciation. At the same time though we forget he didn't come from us. It's almost like the thoughts are two separate things. We look at Noah and think "Oh, it looks like he has your, nope, he wouldn't have that from you", "I think he might have your...wait, nope". A few times I thought I must be so tired because I was still recovering from delivery, then I laughed to myself because nope, not only did I not give birth to him but he wasn't even a newborn when we first met him :) I don't really know how to explain it. It's weird how often our love for his birth mom occupies our thoughts while at the same time we feel like we made him.

Before adopting Noah we assured people we would love an adopted child the same as our biological child. I think for most people that's obvious and easy, for some people though it's a difficult thing to believe or accept. Now that we have Noah though I can confirm, yep, it's the same. We don't love Aurelia because we made her, we love her because she's our daughter, because we waited, hoped and prayed for her. We don't love Noah because we made him, we love him because he's our son, because we waited, hoped and prayed for him.

Aurelia in the NICU after birth, being snuggled by Daniel in the NICU.

Noah in the NICU after surgery at about 7 weeks old, being snuggled by Daniel in the same NICU.

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