05 August 2013

Yes

So that is the end of the blog series. Our profile is back out there for expectant mothers to see and we've been looking at all our options, figuring out what our next steps will be beyond just having our profile back out there. I had been wanting to end this series on a happy, optimistic, hopeful "everything will be okay" kind of note but honestly, I didn't feel optimistic or hopeful until yesterday.

I'm in the nursery in our ward and yesterday one of the youngest girls was having a really tough time. She was inconsolable, crying with every bit of force her tiny lungs could muster. One of the nursery workers was trying to calm her but this little ladybug was having none of it and the other kids were starting to catch on -- I could feel a full scale nursery meltdown coming on. So, I scooped her up and walked into the hall bouncing, patting and shushing her. We walked down the hall and her frantic cry started to give way to tired fuss. She dropped her head straight forward onto my shoulder and she was out :) I went back into nursery and snuggled this sleeping sweetie until her mom came for her.

While sitting there holding her I felt a calming "Yes". Yes, I can keep going. Just like that my hope came back. THIS is worth all of it. THIS will be worth the heartache. When we are holding our future child, giving them all the love their little selves can handle, it will all have been worth it. They will be worth every single tear, every breakdown, every horrible experience. Yes, we can and will do whatever it takes for them to be home, and they will know every single day that they were worth every bit of this. Yes, we can keep going. :)

3 comments:

  1. "The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude." - Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, "Come What May, and Love It"

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  2. Love this. And I remember thinking since we were in Nursery with you that day, how sweet it was to watch you just cuddling that tired baby girl. I love this quote from Laura above---so true! You all are such a sweet family and will be blessed in spite of your current heartaches and tears. We are praying for you and wish you the very best in this journey.

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  3. I don't know if you remember me but I am married to one of your more distant cousins. We spoke a few years ago at one of the family reunions and I remember you telling me a little bit about the struggles you were having and how you were trying to adopt. Reading over your experience, my heart broke for you. I'm sure it wasn't easy, but thank you for sharing. What a sweet tender mercy and message Heavenly Father gave to you on this occasion with that little child you were comforting in nursery and what a righteous desire you have to be a mother again. I know that Heavenly Father is so aware of you and your family. N8 and I will both be praying for you.

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