So that is the end of the blog series. Our profile is back out there for expectant mothers to see and we've been looking at all our options, figuring out what our next steps will be beyond just having our profile back out there. I had been wanting to end this series on a happy, optimistic, hopeful "everything will be okay" kind of note but honestly, I didn't feel optimistic or hopeful until yesterday.
I'm in the nursery in our ward and yesterday one of the youngest girls was having a really tough time. She was inconsolable, crying with every bit of force her tiny lungs could muster. One of the nursery workers was trying to calm her but this little ladybug was having none of it and the other kids were starting to catch on -- I could feel a full scale nursery meltdown coming on. So, I scooped her up and walked into the hall bouncing, patting and shushing her. We walked down the hall and her frantic cry started to give way to tired fuss. She dropped her head straight forward onto my shoulder and she was out :) I went back into nursery and snuggled this sleeping sweetie until her mom came for her.
While sitting there holding her I felt a calming "Yes". Yes, I can keep going. Just like that my hope came back. THIS is worth all of it. THIS will be worth the heartache. When we are holding our future child, giving them all the love their little selves can handle, it will all have been worth it. They will be worth every single tear, every breakdown, every horrible experience. Yes, we can and will do whatever it takes for them to be home, and they will know every single day that they were worth every bit of this. Yes, we can keep going. :)