10 December 2012

Would You Pick Your Family?

I've found that trying to adopt requires a a whole lot of self confidence.

For a lot of people when they want to have kids they just do. They stop preventing a baby and BAM!, there is their child. Even when they aren't trying, some people are just that kind of lucky and children come into their life. They don't have to be interviewed (repeatedly), prove they're financially capable, or that their marriage is strong.

With trying to adopt I feel like I have to prove that I am a good mother. I have to prove that Daniel is a loving and involved father. I have to show that we are a loving, good family who can give a beautiful life to a child. Not only that, but we have to be SO good that someone else would choose us to raise their child. All this while not showing ourselves to be something we're not or coming off "too perfect".

It can be really frustrating. Most people don't have to prove to anyone that they're good enough to be parents.

I have literally sat here, checking for messages, and asked Daniel "what is wrong with us? Why hasn't anyone picked us?" Patience is something I still need to work on since I've been thinking this already and we were approved only a month and a half ago :)

Something that helps the "why haven't we been picked"s is knowing the best thing we can do is be the best possible version of ourselves. 

Something I asked myself when we started this process was "Am I being the kind of mother that I would choose to raise my daughter? Am I creating the kind of home I would choose to have her raised in?

When I first asked myself that I thought "I've gotten lazy." Much of that had to do with the funk I fell into with our miscarriages. I hadn't entirely come back. I wasn't doing a bad job of being a mom, I just wasn't doing as well as I wanted. So I set to work. I made a mental list of the things that would be important to me if I were choosing a new family for Aurelia. If I were in the position to pick a family for her, what would I want? What would be important to me? I thought of different activities I would want her parents to do with her, the kind of personality traits I would want her to be around, the kind of home environment I would want her to live in, how I would want her parents to show they loved each other. 

After taking inventory I started making little adjustments. I started keeping the house a little cleaner and doing art projects more often. I started making sure Aurelia saw Daniel and I not only showing that we love each other but also talking things through when we disagree. Its important to us that she sees a healthy way of resolving things, rather than never seeing us disagree or ever seeing us fighting. I started playing the piano more and teaching her little songs with actions, and some other little daily things.

I feel like I've fully come back to life :) I can say with full confidence that we are now the best version of our current selves (if that makes sense). I am the kind of mother I have always wanted to be. I am the kind of mother I would choose for our daughter. We are the kind of family I would choose for our child. :)

1 comment:

  1. That's so beautiful, and a wonderful motivation for me to look at if I'm being the Mom I want to be. I can't say I understand how hard it must be to go through the approval process and have to prove all of those things, but I kind of understand the opposite though. I remember the day we were released from the hospital with James, and I kept thinking, "They are just going to let me walk out of here with this baby with no way to know if I'm going to do a good job." I mean the most they did was check we had the car-seat installed right. That is so little in the overall scheme of things. I kind of freaked under the huge responsibility I suddenly had, with no one going to check in and see if I was doing a good job.

    Anyway, you guys are doing a great job, and I'm sure that there is a little baby waiting to come to you. It is a long process, but I'm sure that it will be absolutely perfect when it finally all comes together. God is watching out for you, your family, and the new little member that needs you guys :D