18 December 2012

Adoption Blogging

Blogging about adoption is kind of tricky.

We've now been considered or contacted by SIX expectant mothers. SIX. That's a lot. Three through our agency, three from other connections.

So why on earth have I been doing so few REAL adoption posts. I've done several posts about adoption but not really any about our experiences past approval.

Like I said, blogging about adoption is kind of tricky.

Blogging about fun family stuff I just post a bunch of pictures, tell a few cute/fun stories and there it is.

Blogging about infertility I wait until I no longer feel like keeping the experience private, write up the piece, take out any extra bitter parts, and post for everyone to read.

Blogging about experiences involving other people I make the post vague enough that only that person knows I'm talking about them (name changes, omitting situation details, etc.) and post away.

With blogging in general I try to write soon after the event (I wrote about the baby sellers immediately after getting off the phone).

But like I said, blogging about adoption is tricky.

When an expectant mother considers our family we're given so little information that I feel like posting ANY of it is posting ALL of it. Usually we're given a name, a few random personal details, and any pertinent medical factors (drug use, mental health, etc.). So I'm not going to hop to the blog and say "a woman in her mid twenties with some drug use, blah blah blah..." That is her business, not ours to make public. It feels very private to us. WHEN someone picks us we aren't going to post her personal information. We aren't even going to post her name just in case someone thinks its okay to contact her directly. We'll talk to her about what she's comfortable having us post. Anything about her will be her story to tell.

As far as pictures...well, there isn't much to post a picture of is there? There is the occasional "we set up the cradle" or the lonely but ready "carseat by the front door" but really, while optimistic, it's pretty sad and who wants to see a bunch of the "woe is us, where is our baby?" stuff?

It's sort of like a pregnancy, how people don't usually announce it to the world until they are at least through the first trimester and the chances of miscarriage drop, meaning there is a good chance you're REALLY going to get to have a baby. Generally you don't tell people you wouldn't feel comfortable telling about a miscarriage. With adoption you don't actually know if an adoption will work out until the papers are signed, saying "this IS YOUR child". Having a failed adoption is something...there are just very few people we would want to talk to about that. I imagine it would be devastating to think a baby is coming home, go to the hospital and come home with an empty carseat. IF that ever happens to us we want to be able to grieve in private. So, very few people will know when we're even matched. In other words, once we're matched there most likely won't be a peep about it on here until after everything is official.

Another tricky part is those pesky scammers. Have I written about scammers? I don't think I have but they'll each get their own special little posts. We've dealt with two so far. For those who aren't aware, there are some really broken people in the world. People who get pleasure out of causing pain for hopeful adoptive couples. Women scam in different ways and for different reasons. From what we've experienced there are a few basic types of scammers: 

Women who ARE pregnant:
Emotional scammer
Financial scammer
(or both)

Women who AREN'T pregnant:
Emotional scammer
Financial scammer
(or both)

Financial scammers want money, emotional scammers want the emotional connection from adoptive couples. They are broken, want love and attention and look for unhealthy ways to get it. They thrive off the love and attention us hopeful adoptive couples provide. We, for example, already feel a strong love for the woman who will one day pick us. How could we not then give all our love and support to a person who is considering us as the parents of their child? Every woman who contacts us could be THE woman we have been praying for and thinking about. We don't want to miss an opportunity to let her know we care about her. And so, people take advantage.

Sometimes it takes a while to know we've really truly been scammed, that's why it can take a while to get a blog post out about those situations. Right now my plan is to wait until the due date or "due date" passes and then write a little post about the experience. Until we really know for sure (the first scammer made it pretty easy to tell) I still hold out hope that maybe, somehow they're really pregnant and telling the truth which is why I wait to do a blog post. The first due date is in few weeks and I plan to do a post. Anyway, scammers. Boo to them.

So yeah, that's why its tricky to blog about adoption. It's all kind of private until its completely resolved one way or the other, and not all of it is our story alone to tell.

1 comment:

  1. I love this post! I agree with you--it is tricky to talk about the hopefulness that comes when an expectant parent contacts you, yet how reserved you still have to keep your heart.

    I love reading about your family and wish you the best of luck as you try to find your birth mom!