20 October 2012

I know someone who got pregnant!

It finally happened. I'm actually surprised it took this long. Maybe it's happened before but I was naive enough to think "Yeah maybe." 

This morning I was at FedEx Office printing off our collage pages for the adoption office and of course I ended up talking about adoption with the woman helping me. As we were finishing up she said, "Now that you're adopting maybe you'll get pregnant!" This was her adaptation of the common "I know someone who adopted and then got pregnant."

In my head I was rolling my eyes and saying, "yeah! Turning in these papers will somehow force my left ovary to let go of a friggin egg! Somehow being approved to adopt will unblock my right fallopian tube! Or better yet, maybe filling out all these forms and doing all these interviews is the secret CURE for endometriosis, anovulation and miscarriages!!!"

But I just politely said, "maybe" with a smile and walked out the door.

There are two reasons why this comment bugs me. 

1) If you know someone who was trying to adopt or did adopt and then got pregnant, it might not have been an accident, surprise or whatever you want to call it. Some couples really do get pregnant completely by surprise. BUT, some couples choose to give fertility treatments another try but don't feel like sharing that information with the world. So they might tell YOU "it was such a surprise!" when really they just don't feel like saying "this baby was brought to you by the letters C and OBGYN."

2) I feel like the comment kind of discredits the miracle of adoption. Any child that comes to the family of an infertile couple is a MIRACLE whether that is through adoption or their own pregnancy. We are excited to adopt! We hope we are chosen! We know it will be a miracle! We aren't trudging along saying "we'll do this if we have to but we're hoping to get pregnant any day."

Be excited for us! Say "I hope you're chosen soon!" or "That is so exciting!" or  "I'll spread the word to my family, friends and coworkers!" Really anything encouraging rather than "maybe now an issue you've been dealing with for years will suddenly disappear".

P.S. PLEASE don't worry about saying something offensive to us :) If you do say something offensive we understand its just because you don't realize its bothersome. I'll go home and vent laugh about it to Daniel, you might get a vague mention in the blog, but we understand its difficult to know what to say sometimes :) We know you don't mean it to be offensive.

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