22 April 2012

What to Say

Although I know I'm guilty of it, I do think it is really rude to unload fertility issues on the pleasantly fertile unless they welcome it. I know its probably really uncomfortable for my more fertile friends to have me talk to them about my dumb ovaries, having to inject things with needles in my stomach, being so sad about another failed cycle or pregnancy announcement, and how our baby would be this many months old if the first round of treatment had worked. Its awkward. If I hadn't gone through it I wouldn't have a clue what to say.

After the Things People Say post I had several people tell me they just don't know what to say and don't want to come across as insensitive. So in response to that post I've decided to list some of the kind and helpful (or at least not hurtful) things people have said and done. Hopefully this helps some people feel more comfortable.

*side note* I've found while writing this that these are general things that can be said to anyone experiencing a trial you don't understand.

"I'm so sorry you're going through this."
You may not be able to be empathetic but you can always be sympathetic.

"Is there anything I can do to help you?"
If you don't know what to say or do, there is no harm in asking.

"How are you doing?"
This is a nice way of showing you're willing to be a sympathetic ear. It also allows for conversation if its wanted and the "fine" response if its not. Sometimes I want to talk all about whats going on, and sometimes I want to ignore it and talk about something else.

Offer prayers
Saying something like "I prayed for you" is very sweet. Its comforting to know that someone has put time and effort into doing what they can to help improve your situation.

Call or visit to check in and have normal chit-chat.
After my miscarriage I was so thankful for my friend Brittany calling to check on me. I know I wasn't the most pleasant person to talk to as I was barely holding it together, but it was so nice to know someone cared enough to check on me and also have normal conversation to take my mind off things.

Love your children
Its upsetting to see people taking their children for granted. I once started crying in a walmart because a dad was hitting his crying daughter with the cart, swearing at her and yelling to move. Few things are as upsetting as seeing people doing something other than loving and being patient with their children. Please love, be patient with and be kind to the children you have been blessed with.

1 comment:

  1. Jess. It's like you are reading into my soul. How man of those things have I said to you? Maybe one I haven't said out loud as much (if at all)--we are praying for you guys. Every day. Also, Sean was looking at Ruby the other day and said, "You wanna know who kind of looks like Ruby? Aurelia!" Makes sense, right?? It's gotta be the brown eyes (which are actually from Sean, but still!). Let's skype soon!