*Please understand my knowledge about adoption is from our research and asking friends who have been through the process, and not yet from our own experience.
How long will you try before you adopt?
This is a personal choice that will vary by couple. Its a matter of prayer and thorough, realistic discussion together as a couple. Some people choose not to consider adoption and others prefer it early on after an infertility diagnosis.
For us personally, we have always been very open to and comfortable with the idea of adoption. Since my latest diagnosis we now feel more strongly and positively about adopting and are very excited about our next step to bring another child into our family, whatever that step may be.
I also want to take this opportunity to clear up two common misconceptions or myths about adoption.
- You "give your baby up" for adoption, never see them again and they don't know about you. Adoptions are not what they used to be or are often portrayed in the media. First, "give your baby up" sounds horrible. A loving, selfless birth mom, painstakingly selects an adopting family that she feels will give her child the best possible life. This is an incredible act of love and not something to be called "giving your baby up". Additionally, today's adoptions are very open and the birth parents almost always have some kind of regular contact with the adopting family, including face to face visits and outings, emails, pictures, letters and whatever else the two parties decide they are comfortable with. I think this is great. It really seems like what would be best for the birth mother and most importantly, the child.
- There are tons of babies waiting to be adopted is an idea I frequently hear thrown around. This is not entirely true. In the US, if an infant is adopted, the birth mother has almost always selected an adopting family before the child is born. There are not loads of babies in foster care just waiting to be adopted. Infants are adopted VERY quickly. I do not know a lot about international adoption but I do know there are many children waiting for a loving home and that international adoptions can be very expensive and lengthy. That being said, there ARE a lot of older children looking for forever homes here in the US. If that is something you are interested in please visit AdoptUSKids.org.
What causes endometriosis?
There is no known cause of endometriosis. None. There are plenty of theories, but no conclusive, overwhelming evidence to support any of them.
How many kids do you want to have?
This is a normal question for anyone to ask someone trying to have children, but I feel like I get asked a lot more now because people know it takes so much to bring a child into our family. Its an understandable curiosity. This of course varies with each couple, is a personal decision and can be based on any number of factors. Our answer is, we don't know. We do know we want at least three. We would like to have more but we will continue doing what is necessary until we have three kids, and then beyond that we will see how we feel.
So can you not have kids because of you, or him?
For some couples this is an extremely sensitive question. For us, its me :) I don't mind sharing that. Daniel's plumbing works wonderfully and we are thankful for that. Our situation would be a bit more complicated if both of us had issues, as many couples dealing with infertility do.
How much does IVF cost?
It varies by facility but generally, from what we've seen, between $10,000 and $15,000. At the Utah Fertility Center it is closer to $10,000.
How long does it take to adopt?
It varies for each couple. Some couples are never selected by a birth mother, some are selected quickly after becoming available to adopt. There are several months between the very beginning of the process and when you are available for consideration. There are many interviews, background checks, home visits and loads of paperwork. After you are available you wait to hear that you have been selected or that there is a child available.
How can I improve my chance of becoming pregnant before seeing a doctor?
Know your cycle. Know if its length is regular and what that length is. When you know that you can know when you're ovulating. Use ovulation tests. I usually start testing 2 days before I'm expecting to ovulate. Have sex every other day leading up to ovulation and then twice on the day of ovulation.
If you do go to the doctor it will be helpful if you already know the length of your cycle and whether or not you ovulate.
How can I help someone going through infertility?
Be patient. I can guarantee they are more stressed out about being unreliable and hormonal than you are having to interact with them. You can also check out my What to Say post, the corresponding Things People Say (what not to say) post and Daniel's post, The Male Perspective for more detailed ways to help (or at least not hurt).