22 March 2012

Recklessly Optimistic

I want to get my thoughts down about today before I actually find out the situation. Today we have the ultrasound to find out if the new medication (Bravelle) has done what the fertility center hopes. We have had two failed Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) cycles using clomid. For each of those cycles I produced one mature follicle, meaning I released one egg (that is the normal amount for typical woman). This cycle they had me add Bravelle, an injection I give myself on day 9 of my cycle, to hopefully get a second follicle to mature and then release two eggs and help increase our chances of success.

So now here we are, day 11. This afternoon we go in for a follicle check ultrasound. This is where they measure the follicles on each of my ovaries to see where they are at (I'll have to double check but I think its past 19mm will release an egg). We are hoping for two and not more than three. The fertility center wont do a procedure with more than three follicles because of the risk of high order multiple pregnancy. SO, 2 or 3 follicles is good, anything else will be disappointing.

I always think "this will be the cycle, this time it will work," but with a little realistic reservation that the odds are not in our favor. Then I am crushed when we get the negative blood pregnancy test and wait for my stupid period to start again. This time I am horribly and recklessly optimistic. I have convinced myself that Bravelle will get us the results we've been waiting for and that we'll be able to add to our family again. This, of course, is setting me up for disaster if it fails again and will be a far heavier blow following the miscarriage and with this ridiculous thought of imminent success.

Ugh, so we'll find out today if the injection worked. If everything is progressing nicely then we'll schedule the IUI and I will give myself an hCG injection exactly 24 hours before the IUI is scheduled. and then we have the horribe "2 week wait" for the injected HcG to clear out of my system and then take a blood pregnancy test. If the follicles aren't mature enough then we'll have another ultrasound in a day or two to check again.

I figure I'll add in the cycle schedule to give the full picture...

Day 1: Call the fertility center with my "day 1", hang up and start sobbing that my period started again
Day 2: Ultrasound at the fertility center to check uterine lining for thickness and ovaries for cysts to make sure it wont be detrimental to begin treatment
Day 3: 100mg Clomid
Day 4: 100 mg Clomid
Day 5: 100mg Clomid
Day 6: 100 mg Clomid
Day 7: 100 mg Clomid
Day 8:
Day 9: Inject Bravelle
Day 10:
Day 11: Follicle check ultrasound
Day 12:
Day 13: (hopefully) Inject HcG
Day 14: IUI
Day 15-27: Try to busy myself while waiting to take a test
Day 28: Blood draw for pregnancy test, wait all day with phone in hand, get results, cry either way

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